What a fantastic few days of weather we have just had – you guys in the West Country,UK will concur – everyone else – just imagine that Spring is around the corner and hang on with by your finger nails until it gets here….
I have had a lot of emails recently from friends and the idle curious wondering where I am, some of you because you are concerned that I am ok – a couple of you because you are plain nosey because I have been silent – not a trait I am known for
Life has been incredibly complicated since Christmas – actually since about 10 years ago, but since Christmas I have had to a face a few “challenges” about where I am going, and what I am doing with my life – both metaphorical and physically. I am no longer prepared to drift and be treated the way I have been.
Also, as I think I have mentioned before, I have felt the need to undertake a qualification in Nutrition and Health. Not necessarily for my benefit, but so as to be able to counteract intelligently and with considered thought and learning, some of the rather nasty and rather sweepingly rude comments that have been thrown my way over the past two years. Comments that the people who have made them, in their professional capacity, really ought not to have done, as it displayed an enormous amount of bigotry and embarrassing lack of knowledge on their part. Emotional intelligence I have discovered does not go hand in hand with exalted Job Descriptions !! Just because you have been doing things a certain way for a number of years, does not make you right !!
That said, I don’t hold a grudge – they have to live with themselves and thankfully the journey we are travelling now seems to have taken different routes…
So – this has taken up an enormous amount of time and emotional resources on my part to challenge such ignorance, and have led me to make some quite considerable life changes….
1. The question of whether I was working, or not, with DyeVerse has been raised repeatedly. I know it isn’t clear as DyeVerse is both a private hobby or vanity project and one for which I have undertaken work in the past, but in the last couple of months a really horrible situation occurred when I was placed in a position, by a well known organisation, of being expected to undertake a year long professional workload, but for free as it was my hobby ! As I am not able to work because of illness, which has increased considerably over the last year – that was a true piddle take… especially as I wasn’t even consulted before the arrangements were made, so a number of people have been let down…ostensibly by me, which is really upsetting.
So – I have made the decision that I am closing DyeVerse as a company – so will not be undertaking anymore paid or free projects at all under that label for any third party whatsoever. EVER…. so please don’t ask.
I am thought going to continue using DyeVerse as the place to “park” my personal textile and writing projects – which will also have some artwork in as well. By only undertaking these projects as personal “hobby” projects – the pressure is removed to work when I am ill, and hopefully I will regain the joy of just using my art as “therapy”.
2. I have decided that I am living a life too full of clutter, both emotional and physical. The last four years have taken their toll on me, never being in one location at any one time, and I don’t know which way is up anymore.
So – I have gone “Cold Sheep” – for those not in the know, that is not buying any wool or associated products for at least a year (some interesting discussions here: Old Maiden Aunt). My stash pile is physically so large, I could be injured if it fell on me. So I am planning to knit, spin and weave my way to some clarity and space.
I am also going to extend this practice of “non-purchase” to notebooks – I have enough to last the best part of my life I suspect, and other ancillaries such as pens and stationery – the only caveat here is if I run out of essential A4 paper or biros… but having “borrowed” as many as I have – I think that a remote possibility.
My other weakness is bags… the ecological kind, but to be honest have so many now, this is not practical to buy anymore, and there is no point.
Also the groups I belong to. Not all of them are actually worth attending. They don’t contain people I want to be associated with, or have merit – they contaminate my “happy place” – so I am only continuing socially to interact with people I actually like.
3. I am physically chucking stuff out. No more the lament – “it will be needed at some point”, or “it doesn’t belong to me- so I don’t know what to do with it” . If it doesn’t belong to me – as usually it belongs to one of the kids – it is being returned to that person !! If they do not have space – well then they can chuck it !. The only caveat here is, we still have the best part of a room (or two) of Toby’s possessions, but as he is moving to his new house in the near future – problem solved there.
All the spinning and teaching related teaching and work equipment is going to be donated to good homes, so please don’t ask – they are already earmarked. The consumables I will finish up and not replace. The knitting equipment surplus to requirements, likewise.
4. I am not going to spend so much time on the internet…and I am going to read physical books more – not last thing at night until I fall asleep, but when I WANT to read. This is going to save me a considerable amount of money currently wasted on internet linkage – and leading on from that downsizing my TV packages etc. I don’t watch mainstream TV, except when chronically tired and depressed in the middle of the night – so I will just find myself a DVD or two instead.
Before announcing all of these measures, I have been practicing them for a month or two, and they have been achievable. So hopefully the benefits of leading a simpler more focused life, will continue to help me grow as the person I want to be, rather than the person who has had her words and life cast for her by others….
Will also give me time for ‘nitting and crafting, and just generally repairing my rather battered and bullied soul. I had totally loss the sense of play and joy that up until recently kept me going…
So bring on the crayons…