I am born under the sun of cancer – and am very drawn to water – particularly the vibrant tidal waters and lately more and more we have been seeking solace at Orcombe Point in Exmouth, just watching the waves and enjoying each other’s company, to the soundtrack of Toby’s latest CD.
There are many types of waves, ones which involve water, air/sounds and in my case emotions.
When things are incredibly bad emotionally in my life, I find a spot to lie and down and let the raw emotions just do their thing. It feels exactly as if my body is being subjected to “waves” – and the hurt is just as painful as I would imagine the real thing to be.
This is I have been told are the waves of adrenalin, and how my body reacts in a crisis.
I even hear a sound akin to a roaring sea.
Ironically, the same adrenalin sorts out the asthma – so whilst I am drowning in one form, I can at least breathe.
See that is me, always look on the bright side! When the pain gets too much to bear, look for the way up to the surface, and instinctively move towards the light.
The nice thing after the storm has passed – I have a totally calm mind and can usually then see clearly the way I should proceed.
A bit like a beach after the tide recedes.
Except in this case, today – the tidal wave has left an awful lot of debris that needs to be sorted.
I am, it appears, the only person who can do this.
I don’t actually believe this for one moment…what would I know… but who am I…?
I am just me…doing the best for her son, her family and just trying to live each day in a way that contributes to making at least one other person smile.
When you are on the receiving end of a smile, it beats any other feeling in the world, and you have no choice but to respond.
You can’t smile and be angry – I have tried… !!! You just end up laughing…
Perhaps that is why ironic comedy is my writing of speciality ? !! and I use email when I am really angry, so that the words are cast in stone – to remind me later of just what to avoid in the future.
It matters not….
Writing resolves the problems, laughing heals the gaping wounds…
Bring on the sunshine…
and Toby’s smile is that – pure wide, genuine, unadulterated, uncorrupted sunshine.. – every single time.. no matter what the weather outside the window is like, and what the forecast says…
He is the sun that warms my world…. and is the reason that all the pain, and conflict has to be tolerated.
Because when it is all over – his smile will still be there – welcoming me home, warming my soul and making me laugh.